by Maryellen Greene, PA-C, MMSc, Founder & Creator of NOD & Grow
I first encountered a “feelings chart” when I was at a State Correctional Facility. During my clinical rotation for Psychiatry in P.A. school, I was assigned to shadow and assist a team of Psychiatrists who completed intake exams and routine assessments for the mental health needs of the inmates. While I did not particularly enjoy that 6 week rotation, I did see firsthand how important it is to be able to name our emotions and feelings.
One of the goals of the Psychiatrists and mental health team at the State Correctional Facility was to identify if the inmates had any remorse for the wrongs they had committed that landed them behind bars. More often than not, the inmates had very little empathy or understanding of emotions and feelings. Unfortunately, a common theme among the inmates was that they were often punished for expressing their feelings when they were young children. Many of the inmates became “numb” to feelings, since they received negative feedback or negative consequences from expressing them.
Not only did many of the inmates dismiss their own feelings, but they frequently dismissed the feelings of others. Little understanding of emotions and feelings often translated to minimal remorse for how they were making others feel. Lack of remorse is just one problem connected to a lack of emotional language. Without being able to identify feelings and emotions, a person lacks awareness of self (knowing HOW you feel & WHY you feel that way) and also lacks awareness of others (knowing WHAT someone else is feeling & WHY they are feeling that way).
“The more you recognize emotions in all areas of your life, the more freedom you have to show up as your AUTHENTIC self rather than faking your way through the day or overreacting to others. The more comfortable we become talking about our emotions with our loved ones – without taking offense or defaulting to our own fear response – the better equipped we’ll be to help them calm their fear responses and engage the higher functioning parts of the brain to regulate emotion and connect.”
“Famous at Home” by Dr. Joshua Straub,
Naming your feelings helps you better understand your emotions, regulate your emotions and communicate them with others. It is a vital part of being emotionally intelligent, caring for your mental health, building healthy relationships, and improving your well being overall.
Research shows us that identifying your emotions and feelings affects your heart rate and brain activity. A study by Dr. Michelle Craske at UCLA found that attempting to understand our emotions in nonjudgmental ways helps us regulate our emotions and navigate our surroundings more smoothly. Dr. Dean Michael Ornish, an American physician, researcher, and founder of the Preventive Medicine Research Institute in Sausalito, California, identifies emotional stress, especially when processed in isolation, to be “as potent a risk factor for heart disease as cholesterol, smoking, lack of exercise and poor nutrition.” Dr, Ornish writes, “While we can’t always change what’s going on in the world, there is a lot we can do about how it affects us. Stress comes not only from what’s going on in your life, but even more important, from how you react to it.”
UCLA professor of Psychology, Matthew D. Lieberman conducted a study that showed how naming our feelings made feelings like sadness, anger and pain less intense. Our feelings begin toward the bottom of our brain in an area called the amygdala. This part of the brain is also responsible for the “flight or fight response.” When feelings were labeled, Liberman and researchers noted a decreased response in the amygdala and increased activity in an area of the brain that inhibits behavior and processes emotions – the right prefrontal cortex. According to Leiberman’s research, his team found that “when you put feelings into words, you’re activating this prefrontal region and seeing a reduced response in the amygdala. In the same way you hit the brake when you’re driving when you see a yellow light – when you put feelings into words you seem to be hitting the brakes on your emotional responses. As a result, a person may feel less angry or less sad.”
Since the prefrontal cortex is still developing until our mid-twenties, parents need to be a safe place where kids can turn in their most vulnerable and emotional moments. Dr. Joshua Straub writes in “Famous at Home” – “When we as parents show up for our kids in overwhelming or fearful moments, we help cultivate the higher functioning parts of our kids’ brains because we teach them to regulate their fear and connect in relationship. As Neuroscientist Daniel Seigel explains, the goal in parenting is to help our kids build a ‘window of tolerance,’ spending less time living from fear reactions and more time living in healthy interaction – connecting, playing, and learning – triggering the top part of the brain. As adults, building this window of tolerance in ourselves is part of our own becoming.”
Here are some steps to help you name and process your feelings:
- Identify the feeling – pause and pay attention to what your body is feeling, what your mind is thinking and your behaviors.
- Name the feeling – once you have identified what you are feeling, label it with a word that accurately describes it. A Feelings/Emotions chart or wheel may be helpful.
- Validate the feeling – remember that it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling and all emotions are valid and a normal part of humanity. Even if your feelings are uncomfortable or unpleasant, it is important to acknowledge and validate them.
- Express the feeling – after identifying and naming the feeling, express it in a healthy way. Some ideas for expressing your feelings in a healthy way are: Talking to someone you trust, writing about what you are feeling in a journal, or doing something active or creative like taking a walk or doodling while listening to uplifting music.
- PRAY about what you are feeling – talk to God about what you are facing and how you feel about it. Ask Him for help with this feeling, and search His Word to see what it says about this feeling. Trust God to help you process this feeling in a healthy way and grow to understand what to do with this feeling the next time you encounter it. “CAST YOUR CARES ON THE LORD, BECAUSE HE CARES FOR YOU.” 1 Peter 5:7
Our free printable – Wheel of Emotions/Feelings with Bible verses may be a helpful resource for you, click the button below to download yours!
Our Connection Journals and Little Connection Journals also provide a space to connect with our family and friends and connect what we are feeling with God’s Word.
The authors of “Are My Kids On Track” note that “Emotional literacy is a prerequisite to regulation, practiced empathy, resourcefulness, and healthy personal relationships. We should feel a strong sense of urgency to weave emotional literacy into the daily rhythm of our families and classrooms. Prioritizing these milestones will shape who our kids become as people.” The book goes on to say, “We can’t help but wonder, if these milestones became priorities in our homes, and social emotional learning was a part of curriculum…would there be a massive shift…in the dozens of ways we avoid, deny and attempt to suppress emotion? Can you imagine the cultural shift that could take place if children grew up with a strong emotional vocabulary and we prioritized teaching them how to navigate emotion in a healthy way?”
Remember, it is okay to not be okay! But we don’t want to stay in that place of “not okay” – we want to process what is causing us to feel dis-ease and then move to a place of true peace. Essentially, the goal is to get the feelings that originate in the amygdala (the alarm center), all the way up to the prefrontal cortex (the think tank) where they can be processed with more thought, reasoning and self-control. To reach this goal, start by naming your emotions and feelings! I hope this post is useful for you, to help you and those you care about, process your emotions and feelings in a healthy way.
Sources:
https://www.kidshealth.org/en/teens/understand-emotions.html
“Talk About Emotions” by Dr. Joshua Straub and Christi Straub, CMCLC
in their book “Famous At Home”
“Emotional Milestones” by Sissy Goff, MEd, LPC-MHSP; David Thomas, LMSW; and Melissa Trevathan, MRE in their book “Are My Kids On Track”
https://www.ekahiornish.com/ohana/love-support/science-behind-naming-feelings-makes-us-happier/
Understanding Emotions: 15 Ways to Identify Your Feelings (positivepsychology.com)
Why Labeling Emotions Matters | Psychology Today
Getting Unstuck: The Power of Naming Emotions • Six Seconds (6seconds.org)
Why We Need To Name Our Feelings | Momentous Institute
Why It Helps to Put Your Feelings Into Words | Psychology Today
